To preface this blog post, I’d like to share an excerpt from my journal.
"June 21
This trip has made me think a lot about “fear.” A quote I heard when studying leadership a few weeks ago:
“The future doesn’t belong to the faint-hearted. It belongs to the brave.”
– Ronald Reagan
A girl on the trip has a tattoo that says “feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.” And yesterday, I bought a shirt that says “Fate Loves The Fearless.” The tie between these little messages is quite thought-provoking, really. The recurring word “fear,” joined with my experiences on this trip, have led me to the conclusion that I don’t believe there is such thing as fearlessness as a whole. The beauty of fear is that it comes with the opportunity to conquer. In taking that opportunity, one must be brave. In being brave, one must have faith in something. And in having faith, the future ends up favoring the person who took the chance. I’ve learned that it’s ok to fear, and that by having strong faith and viewing fear as an opportunity, this life I’ve created for myself is possible and leaving people in awe. I am thankful for my fears. They have molded me into who I am, with a promising future, a great God, and people who stand behind me in all that I do."
I’d like to finish the blog post with 2 stories from my trip that pertain to fear.
The first story is my solo trip to London.
I had an incredibly stressful last week at school. I was studying for finals, staying up all night, taking my tests, repeat. I was hosting my parents, who so graciously came down for a few days to be the amazing helpers that they are. I was moving out of the house I’d lived in for two years and into a storage unit. I was packing for a 9-week trip around the world. I was buying things I needed for my trip, saying goodbye to all of my friends who were graduating, getting my last appointments in, working, and returning textbooks.
I was physically, mentally, and emotionally spent.
I was fearful that I wouldn’t get everything done in time, fearful of failing my tests, fearful of losing my friends, fearful of the flying solo around the world.
Everything got done. I made good grades on my tests. My friends are always there for me. And I flew competently on my first solo international flight.
Disclaimer: After traveling alone endless times in the United States, I wasn’t necessarily afraid of traveling internationally alone, but certainly anxious.
The first thing I did when landing in London was figure out where I needed to be and at what time. I found a place to hold my luggage, and I knew I needed to buy a British adapter to charge my iPhone to check in with my parents. After I felt set…I bought a ticket and a map, and I explored entirely alone for a lovely day in London.
Fear of overcommitting and traveling alone internationally = conquered.
What I gained:
The competency to travel internationally alone. To ask questions, to improvise in language barriers, to be alert, to be punctual, to travel with a light suitcase and a full heart.
The knowledge that with the help of great family and friends and the faith in oneself and in God, people can get anything done when they set their minds to something.
How I’ll use it:
I’ll be flying alone again internationally exactly a week from today. Zach and I meet up in Rome, but we aren’t on the same flight there. He’ll be flying from Cape Town to Paris to Rome, and I’ll be flying from Cape Town to London to Rome.
So… London airport... we’ll meet again! I’ve already conquered you. Piece of cake.
The second story is about my backwards bungee jump.
As Adventure Week grew closer, I started to approach the idea of leaving for the trip with sheer fear. I tried to tell myself that it was just because I’m a homebody, but we all know that’s not exactly true. I was trying to mask my fear of the bungee jump.
Most students who jumped last year were terrified to jump, but when they came back up the bridge, they jumped up and down grinning from ear to ear with pride. They loved it.
I was one of the few students whose bungee jumping experience went something like this:
I was NOT afraid to jump. Not even a little bit. I was singing, dancing, screaming, smiling, laughing, and ready to go. Then I jumped. About 4 seconds after I jumped, I started to get that “Oh sh*t” thought it my head. The whole free-fall feeling scared me almost to the point of regret. I was glad I did it, but not glad enough to ever do it again.
Or so I thought.
My students were terrified. They cried, and they held onto me, and they begged not to do it. With enough faith and encouragement, almost everyone agreed to do it, and I was one of the first.
I knew I could do it. I’d done it before. I lived. I felt an out-of-body experience most people will never feel. And, even though I was afraid, I was glad I’d done it.
So I did it again.
This time, approaching the bridge with a blank stare and silence, but screaming, smiling, and fist pumping during the free-fall. The reaction had little to do with the feeling of jumping, and a lot to do with the feeling of conquering.
Fear of doing something that has already scared me = conquered.
What I gained:
As a leader, you sometimes have to mask your emotions to help others process their emotions. I gained respect jumping off of that bridge. The students knew that it was courageous, and it inspired them to be courageous themselves.
I learned that the feeling of conquering a fear is often better than the thrill of the activity itself.
And lastly, I learned that I prefer backwards bungee jumping to forwards bungee jumping any day. You know, just for future reference.
How I’ll use it:
I won’t be so afraid anymore to do things I’ve already done just because they were scary. I’ll bungee jump again one day, hopefully more than once. I’ll continue to use my display of emotions to encourage people and help them conquer their own fears.
In closing…
Fear is opportunity. Without fear, there is nothing to conquer. No room for growth.
To revisit the quotes from the journal entry, put your energy into your faith. Whatever faith means for you, feed it. Give it your time and your love, and it will guide you in conquering whatever it is that you want to conquer. In doing so, your future will be bright. You will have conquered so much, leading you to so many opportunities and so much room for growth. You will have a great life.
And most importantly…while I still love my shirt, I don’t think fate necessarily loves the fearless. I think fate loves the mindfully fearful. The people who can identify their fears, see them with a positive connotation, and follow through to conquer them and grow from them.
Just like emotions, fear can be masked as fearlessness. I wasn’t fearless when I jumped off of the bungee bridge. When I jumped, I was fearful, but by conquering it, I appeared fearless. I wasn’t fearless when my parents left me at the airport and I had to fly around 3 continents alone. When I walked through the gate, I was fearful, but by conquering it, I appeared fearless.
Starting to see a pattern? Remember: I don’t believe fearlessness, as a whole, really exists.
So here’s my challenge for you.
What do you fear? What scares you enough to get you to walk away, to say no, to hesitate.
In identifying those fears, what can you do to conquer them? What opportunities do they hold, and how can you make those opportunities happen?
And if you make those opportunities happen, then upon reflection, how did you grow from those experiences?
Answer these questions for yourself, and you will be amazed as you watch your life unfold with new direction.
Redefining fear = changing your perspective.
What words can you redefine? The possibilities are endless.
The Summer Intern,
Anna